“Why Are You Fearful?”
Let's go back to the 90's. It's a Wednesday morning, my hair is in French braids, and my knee-length skirt is paired with solid white tights. I am in 4th grade and we're in chapel.
I went to a Christian private school from Kindergarten up until 7th grade and since starting my homeschool journey with our son Nash, I recently recalled one of my favorites parts of Wednesday chapel from the depths of my memory.
After we sang a handful of Christian children's songs, like I Just Want To Be A Sheep (bah, bah, bah, baaaah), the chapel speaker would enter stage right with this massive blue felt board sitting on a giant easel and begin to tell a Bible story. As the teacher began to introduce the story setting and characters, they would place a large felt Bible figure or scene (think a rock, water, etc.) onto the felt board. If you were born in the 90's like I was you may be experiencing a flood of memories yourself as I describe it. So last month when I found myself fully overcome with nostalgia, I decided that I wanted to get a felt board with those same nineties style Bible figures and use it to teach Nash the Bible stories.
I couldn't get the package open fast enough when it arrived at our home. I ordered 'The Miracles of Jesus' pack which included, Feeding the 5,000, Calming the Storm and more. I was absolutely thrilled! That Sunday evening, before the new week began when I'd planned on starting this new Bible Story Time before we'd do our homeschool for the day, we actually had a substantial thunderstorm roll in which made it easy for me to choose the miracle of Jesus calming the storm for our first story. I had decided that we would study this one the entire week, we would read it from Saint Matthew's account and also from Saint Luke's recording.
I believe it was on a Thursday, three days into studying this story, when we started to read the account from Matthew again for probably the third time. If you don't know the story, here is a quick recap: Jesus is on a boat with his disciples. A big storm comes in and starts covering the boat with waves but Jesus was asleep. His disciples came to him and said "Lord save us!" Jesus awoke, asked his disciples where their faith was, and then He rebuke and calmed the storm. As I was reading the account form Matthew, the same account I head read two or three times already this week, I came to verse 26 where Jesus was asking the disciples a question and as that first line rolled off of my lips, my eyes were instantly flooded with tears: "Why are you fearful?" The question stopped me dead in my tracks and suddenly I felt like Jesus was speaking directly to me: "Hannah, why are you fearful?"
This particular week I was dealing with a few anxieties, one of them being the heart-aching search for those two pink lines. And as disappointment came, my heart felt like the withered grass David talks about in Psalms. As I read the words "Why are you fearful"? I knew that I actually did not have answer and that is what had made me so filled up with emotion. I thought, if Jesus was standing right in front of me, if He was physically beside me, the Son of God who defeated death, who is Holy and Righteous and Just, who created me in my Mother's womb and loves me unconditionally, what could possibly make me afraid? How could I possibly be fearful? And in that moment I knew that there was no thought, no lie, no worry, no circumstance that I could have that could be a good enough reason to be fearful when I have the Lord Jesus Christ literally dwelling within me and on my side fighting for me. And it took my breath away.
Nash looked at me, very unsure of why my voice was suddenly stricken with teary words. I smiled at him and told him that we have nothing to be afraid of when we have Jesus and that not only can Jesus calm the storm in any sea or sky, but he can calm any storm in our hearts as well. What a morning it was.
I have to point out a couple of profound things. First, God was literally meeting me at toddler Bible Story time. What! How He is after our hearts!! He used what I saw as a simple time of teaching to be deeply profound. Is this the child-like wonder He speaks of? Not only was He reaching into the heart of my 2 year old, but the heart of the 31 year old at the very same time. This reminded me of Matthew 18:3 "And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Second, the Bible is truly the LIVING word! I had read this passage all week, but it wasn't until the morning I was struggling the most with a negative pregnancy test and a heart full of longing and worry that this verse jumped out and reached down into my soul. Third, let's pop over to Luke's account. In Matthew, Jesus says to his disciples "Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith?". The account recorded in Luke says "Where is your faith?" These are two beautiful questions for us - Why are we fearful? And where is our faith?
In the story, after Jesus rebuked the wind and the storm calmed, it says that the disciples marveled. They were surprised, astonished. God is an astonishing God. His movement in our lives can often leave us in awe, and it's in those moments where our trust and faith are so strong, we would follow Him through any storm.
I'd like to end today's entry with a prayer:Lord, thank you for your living word. Thank you for being so personal, so relational, so uniquely kind and corrective. Father, you leave me in awe, you fill me with trust and faith and goodness. Fill us even more with the fruit of your Holy Spirit, so much that those fruits would overflow into the lives of our families, our friends and our communities. I know that you have good plans for my life. I give each step that I take to you Lord, as I know and I am certain, you will guide all of my ways. Amen.
Blessings,
Hannah
Daughter of God, Wife, Mother
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Our felt board! I have since ironed some of the wrinkles from it…! lol
Links:
Felt Board
Felt Bible Figures
Nash’s KJV Bible
