Considering Joy & Defining Stability

Today I am writing you from a little coffee shop in Nashville, TN. Our original 2 month stay here has been extended into the New Year, so you can expect many of my future writings to come from wonderful Music City. For now, I bring you some thoughts to consider and a special announcement as I wrap up. 

As we have been curating and experiencing a new season as a family, I have been working on what I personally consider stability to look like in my life. In my 20's, stability meant things were, and felt, "good". And as long as my negative experiences were limited, things were stable. However, because life undoubtedly throws many trials at us, it was hard to minimize the negative experiences that were out of my control such as loss, heartbreak and unexpected change. I spent a large percentage of my 20's being reactive, stressed out and yearning to feel happiness deep within in my heart. I coped with alcohol and people pleasing. I walked around pretty worn out but thankfully still an optimist. Then I became faced with some big choices that were thankfully big enough to invoke change.

When I became engaged to my now husband in 2018, I realized that in order to have a healthy relationship, I had to take responsibility for my own emotional issues. It was not up to my husband to guess what triggered me, or guess what was wrong when I was mad; it was up to me to start owning my own issues, heal, and learn how to effectively communicate what I truly needed. Just one example, I was frequently upset that my husband rarely planned a date for us without me prompting him to do so. I wallowed about this for a long time until someone offered me a different perspective: why does it matter who plans the date as long as it gets planned? And that really stopped me in my tracks. Why would it mean less to me if I helpfully reminded my husband to do the planning verses me planning the date for us myself? Questioning thoughts like this helped me to examine my feelings and untangle some of the ideas I had of what romance "should" look like. Now I love being in charge of planning our outings and I'm not stuck in a rut of resentment. And the outings are just as meaningful...!

Then I became a mother, suddenly I had someone watching me almost 24 hours a day. I couldn't just snap at my husband randomly, or carry a bad attitude around all day about something that bothered me, or else my baby would be watching a grouchy reactive Mommy. I wanted my baby to see a Mom who can handle an emotion (sometimes this means walking into another room for a moment) and who can then return to stability. I did not want to be someone who let emotions explode, linger and railroad the day. So I knew that I still had work to do and I got to work.

What does stability mean to you? How do you define it in your own life? If stability isn't material, isn't based on how I was treated, what could I base it on? This is when I started to deeply understand that my need for, and from, the Lord had to be rock solid and consistent. This is when I started to learn that I can certainly experience big emotions, but I can do that in another room and calm myself down first, then come back to stability (for one example). Not everyone in my house needs to experience my emotions with me. This is when I also started to learn that I could be proactive about regulating my nervous system with essential oils, movements, supplements like magnesium and have scriptures in memory. So I slowly started to build up my stability muscle and have continued to do so.

Sometimes exciting seasons of life can be accompanied by seasons of grief from uncontrollable things in life we all experience from time to time. This can pose another question; how do you process sadness and still experience, and not miss out on, the joys of life at the same time? How do you hold space for both? Here are ways I've practiced this in my own life:

Slowing down our family's schedule, planning life-giving activities vs. draining activities, being with good friends and truly savoring small moments. Maybe it's a cup of tea in your favorite chair for even 2 minutes. Three pages of the book you're reading while you wait for the oven timer. Holding hands with your spouse on a car ride with your favorite song playing. A scoop of your favorite ice cream hitting your taste buds at the end of a long day. Spending just a few extra seconds in that hug with someone dear to you. How can we make mundane routine moments feel special? How can we squeeze joy out of life every day like we do the last bit of frosting from the piping bag to eat and enjoy?

"But what if life feels too chaotic or heavy and I don’t even know how to find these moments?" Make a list of little things that fill you up and bring you joy. I call them joy-actions! A certain album or song, a specific book, a scripture, a cup of tea or coffee, a treat, a workout routine, a stretch, baking, anything that fills you back up. Each time you have a spare moment in your day, reach for one of these joy-actions from your list. Or, schedule them into your day on purpose. If if you're like me, toddler mom life has me seeking out these moments on the fly each day, but because I have my list of joy-actions I know what to do that will fill me up when I do get a moment or two.

I hope this writing today has inspired you to reach for joy in the small moments and rely on the stability of the Lord's grace and the guidance the He offers in our  lives. The guidance and counsel that is always there during times of great joy and great sadness, knowing that He wants to carry our burdens (Psalm 55:22) and give us healing (Psalm 147:3). Whether we only have a moment to read a Psalm or a few seconds of silence to say thank you, He is there. And it is those moments where we can acknowledge where we are at, what we are needing and how we can take our very next step, even if it's only the next.

Lastly, I am excited to announce that after 6 years, I am re-opening Personal 1:1 Coaching sessions for goal setting and accountability. I will have only two spots available for two wonderful women starting on the second week of January. We will meet once per week for four weeks via Zoom or in person if you're local to the Nashville area. If you feel like you are stuck in the same rut, you're craving vision and you know that you have goals deep in your heart, please book an intro call with me here to see if this could be right for you. Together, we will work on setting approachable goals based on your current season of  life and work on the vision you have for living a peaceful and fulfilled life. The closing date for these spots is Dec. 31st and won’t open again until February. Book your intro call here.

Blessings,
Hannah
Daughter of God, Wife, Mom, Entrepreneur

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Bicentennial Park | Nashville, TN